I’ve returned to running – not just for fitness, but as some may know, I am training for the San Francisco (Half) Marathon.

I stopped running last fall, discouraged by a complete stall in my weight loss and then encouraged by the better weight loss results AFTER I reduced the amount of workout in my regimen. Recently, for reasons unrelated to anything but circumstance and emotion, I put back on a few pounds, and only just before deciding to run the SF Half had regained my focus and motivation.

It’s been more than a month now, running according to a training plan, and I am stunned to report that while I haven’t lost any substantial weight, the physical results are not only visible but pretty impressive. (Did you know I had abdominal muscles in there?)

As previously noted, the numbers on the scale crept upward. However, it was a momentary thing, for a period of adjustment.  My body can do some pretty awesome stuff, things I never would have expected of it a few weeks ago, but that doesn’t change that on the inside I am still someone who is looking to get healthier and lose weight, and I’m accustomed to progress as charted by decreasing scale-weight.

I’m starting to see those results again, which is bracing; making it through the early weeks where I was receiving feedback that made me feel uncomfortable with myself, to arrive at the results that science, medicine and running-training conventional wisdom told me I should see with time is a worthwhile lesson for me to have learned.

The half-marathon is on July 26 – two months from now.  That means regular training for the next two months.  When I’m pushing out 14 mile training runs, I imagine that I will finish those days feeling quite accomplished.  (I did a 7.75 mile run a few weekends ago on accident – made a wrong turn in an unfamiliar neighborhood – and was rather chuffed with myself.)   However, when I put on my jeans and they are snugger than expected the next day, this sort of conflicting information is confusing and disappointing.

How do I resolve pride in my body’s functionality with dissatisfaction in its image?

Right now I’m resolving it with the knowledge that, with time, I will achieve my goals.  With proper nutrition and an healthy willingness to rest as necessary, my body will perform the way I want it to.  However, since I’ve prioritized my health and performance above my appearance for the purposes of this marathon, I have to accept that it may take me longer to get back into the clothes I really want to be wearing.  That’s ok, because when I get there, I plan to stay a good long time.