Free play isn’t just wasted time!
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514&sc=emaf
This is a story I heard on NPR the other day, link via NoirBettie at Through the Looking Glass.
I’m a bit of a Nervous Nellie as a mom, fraught with worry as I enter a new phase, and definitely uptight when I think forward to what might be coming. I tend to give a lot of thought to the matter of whether I’m giving Sami enough stimulation when I’m home with her. While I think about structuring her time, I really very rarely do – she’s free to roam the living room at will and the house as long as I’m around to monitor her exploits, and even if she’s playing with the dustpan on the floor as she did the other day, babbling to herself with her newfound sounds, I rarely interfere and frankly graciously accept the short spurt of Net Surfing Time I’ve been allotted.
So this story gave me substantial food for thought. I clearly worry too much. It’s not a stretch to say that Sami is an imaginitive kid. She is still pre-verbal, but I gave her some lettuce with her lunch today to see what she’d do with it. She ate the first leaf, and put the second on her head, laughing maniacally. I’m not sure what was going through her head, but I do find it heartening that she thought it was hysterical.
I’ve read about unschooling before and find the idea of child-directed learning appealing. As an adult, I enjoy most the activities I fall into through exploration; I started spinning and taught myself with a few minutes of guidance from an expert basically by trial and error, through doing research about knitting and yarns. Such a powerful method for an adult must leave a child, unencumbered by a lifetime of structure, with limitless learning potential, driven by their own pursuits!
I also know that I cannot be the one to stay home and educate my child – while I loved the year I spent at home with her beyond measure on a very deep level, the isolation and self-criticism and the depression they led to nearly destroyed me, and I imagine that even a traditional, structured school would be better for Sami in the long run than prolonged exposure to a self-destructive mother. I really admire the people of whom I know who have made the committment, and can handle the experience, of being completely responsible for the education of their children. That is an incredible undertaking, and an impressive accomplishment-in-progress.
Can Sami have both? Can she attend traditional-style schools in the day time but be encouraged to follow her interests at home? I imagine that if she has the right teachers and if Ben and I get our acts together, the two philosophies could be dovetailed nicely. I think that out-of-the-box, for lack of a more succinct term, thinking can be useful in all types of problem solving, even ones encountered within a structured framework. It may be self-consolation, but I can’t abide the idea that one precludes the other.
All of this said, I will now officially stop worrying if Sami’s play time is “educational” enough. I already minimize her exposure to television, and make sure that exposure includes active engagement with the characters, music and me. I like the idea of activities rather than toys, but I think that Sami already does, too (hence, the recent interest in sweeping with a hand brush and dustpan, wiping the floor with a towel, taking simple toys apart and putting them back together.) So this is the part where I’m supposed to Stop Worrying And Learn To Love The Play. I think I can do that.
I am going to do a little more directed research into education methods, for my own fortification.
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I find it fascinating to read your thoughts as you hash through the best way to be a good parent. Fascinating because I knew you in college, and I’m still a little stunned that there’s a Sami.
Also- I think what you’re saying is spot on- unstructured playtime is immensely valuable. Lettuce on the head, fascination with dustpans, who knows.
And yes- I think Sami absolutely CAN have both- with the right school, she can have a good school environment, and also you and Ben at home to help her pursue her own imaginative, freewheeling goals.
Plus also- remember Sami’s dozens of “aunts” and “uncles” only a mouse click away, and ready to help her explore, goof off and learn stuff.
Hi Cheryl,
I heard that NPR segment yesterday and was thinking about you. As you know, we raised our kids on 3 words, “GO PLAY OUTSIDE!” But I used to sit on the couch and listen to their wildly imaginative play in the trees outside.
Don’t worry about toys. Kids have had dolls and blocks and legos and tinker toys for generations. And they will always do what we do, not what we say. The Kindergarteners loved playing school and could imitate me perfectly. So Sami will do what she sees you do and want to play with whatever you have.
The real problem these researchers are worried about is “No child left behind” and the incredible amount of time schools are dedicating to teaching the test.
Sami is an amazing kid. She is already showing signs of organizational skills and great imagination. Just relax and enjoy the show. Nothing is more fun than watching your child grow and change.
It is really amazing to see how far you’ve come – I love being a part of it. To see where you were two years ago, and to watch you see where you want to go, and navigate how to get there… I think that parenting is as much of a journey for you as it is for Sami.
I played with some toys when I was little, and some of the dolls did stand in for other things, but we also played a LOT outside. My barbies rode in my tonka truck. We built damns in the mud and then had to get hosed off!!
It’s also interesting to read the article and your blog after having taken so many child psych classes in college. I found it fascinating to go on a 6th grade trip in the midst of one of my developmental psych classes – it was like “here it is, IN ACTION!!!” I almost had to stop myself from laughing. My teacher thought it was a game to look at my facial expressions!
The part about the worrying – yeah, for me it’s easier said than done. We talked about this on Saturday!!
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