Momma, stop harshing my mellow!
I had the very long beginning of a very bad post written and saved in drafts; an objective list of the awful ways in which moms eat each other alive for their choices.
Posting such a post is really deflecting attention from what I really want to say, which is that I’m tired of being told what I should be doing, how much my husband should be doing, and how much time I should take off.
No one walks in my shoes. No one else is part of my family dynamic. And no one else is responsible for my daughter’s health and happiness.
I’ve tried scheduling, and I’ve tried being flexible with her schedule. What I’ve discovered is that she may follow a general pattern, but it isn’t tied to precise times that are identical from day to day. So if she is tired at 8:30, I let her sleep then. And if she is clearly not tired until 11 pm, then that’s when she’ll go to bed. I’m tired of fighting to implement and maintain a regular schedule, when it results in more stress and less sleep for my husband and for me.
Sami is not a fan of eating yet. I offer her food at least once a day, but I’m not willing to turn meals into stressful occasions for her. So if after 5 bites, she remains uninterested, I give her some safe baby finger foods or a mesh feeder to play with, and call it a day. She’s still gaining steadily through nursing, and showing small signs of interest in food. I don’t need her to eat just because everyone else’s kids do. She’s crawling, practically walking, and I trust her to start eating when she’s ready. (I also suspect that she’s not terribly interested in food because her teeth are going to come up soon – the lumps on her gums must be very painful – but that’s another story entirely.)
My daughter sleeps with me, nurses on demand at 9 months, and is not rigidly scheduled. She gets a bath every day, is well nourished, blowing away her developmental milestones, and is a happy, well adjusted, caring, sharing, gentle and friendly baby. She spends tons of quality time with me and with my husband every day. He may not always be the one to give the bath or take her to bed, but that’s really for our family to decide and not for anyone else to criticize.
Ultimately, I’m your all around crunchy hippie of a momma. I won’t say that I agree with everyone’s parenting choices, but I will tell you that what others choose for their children is their choice, barring abuse. I don’t expect the majority of other parents to understand why I make the choices I do. But I do expect them to be respectful and keep their unsolicited advice to themselves, if it is going to be unfriendly and derisive.
Edit: I’m recognizing that it’s not reasonable for me to expect others to keep their thoughts to themselves. This is a reminder to me that I don’t have to feel pressured by advice of others; having a different view doesn’t make me wrong or uncertain. I just need to let things roll off my shoulders.
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You’re doing just fine, mama. Don’t let anyone else try to tell you how to do it.. the best we can do as parents is follow our kids lead… and hope for the best. Id love for Mason to be on a schedule, but that’ll have to wait until hes older and understands “its bedtime, yo. go to sleep”
I agree with Nicole… I hope that was not directed at my encouraging you to take time for yourself… I think you’re doing great, and I only want to encourage you to do what’s right for you. I think that one thing people don’t recognize sometimes is that we’re a society of “to each their own.” Or “horses for courses” as the Brits say. Anyway, I think you’re doing wonderfully…
I can’t wait to see you on Saturday evening!! I have to get tri stuff before that. Now I need to sleep so I can get up and start all over again – swimming in the AM.
Are you using the most updated version of wordpress?
i cannot even tell you how ridiculously proud i am of how amazing a momma you are. seriously. and that’s not just because i love you (that part just makes me GLAD i’m proud of you, because i’d feel guilty if i thought you were doing a bad job… but that’s my own issue). i seriously think you’re an amazing mother. and i will go to you for advice when i have my own children, not just because you’ll have been there before (and will still be), but also because i think you’re doing it RIGHT. there is no “right”, i know. but i really do think your choices have been wise, made with both head and heart. and the most amazing choice has been to let sami guide you to her own needs, while still challenging her. that’s the way to grow.
This message was surprising – it seems really angry to me.
It certainly was written from a place I was led to by some frustration, but there wasn’t any anger. It’s more a statement of my journey (especially over the last week, working through things with my family) and my methods. Ben calls it my manifesto, which is apt.